Random Family Antics

Crackle: I cannot believe your Mother let you watch this show, Mom. Mom: Ha ha, my Mother? You mean Nanni? What do you mean?? THIS is Wonder Woman! It’s a classic!! Isn’t it fantastic?! Wait, the good part’s coming.  Crackle: She has almost no clothes on. Do you really think this is appropriate for us? I don’t! Mom: Wait, look at this! Watch, she twirls and then look! Look at the power she has! She can even fly! I just loved her when I was your age...sigh. Oh, look.. now she’s bending steel. Isn’t that amazing?!  Look at these skills. What do you think Pop?! Pop: I like her. I want to be like her. And a doctor. I want to be both.  Crackle: Great, and wear no clothes? You’ll twirl, hurt some bad guys and go into the hospital dressed like this? What would your patients say?  Mom, I just cannot believe you think this is appropriate for us. I am really, really surprised at you. This time, you shocked me. I think you should look at your manual agai...

Snap: I just don’t believe I can’t get a pig for Christmas Mom: A pig. Snap: Yes.. I just don’t believe you need a farm to raise a pig. I think that’s just.. it’s just.. Crackle: Part of fake news? Mainstream media? A conspiracy? I understand. Mom: And where are you going?! It’s bedtime! Pop: If’s she’s gonna get a pig, I’m adding unicorn to my list.

Crackle:    These past few days have been the best days of my life… with non-gluten-free bread. I opened my lunch box with such glee, Mom. You just don’t understand.   Mom: Crackle, you guys get too crazy when you eat too much wheat, especially Pop. Anyway, you only had it this week because I didn’t get to my usual grocery store.  Crackle: All the other mothers serve all the good bread... but not my mother... nope. Mom: Well, you picked me so I must not be that terrible. Crackle: Ha! This was definitely not in your manual, Mom! You did not advertise yourself this way. What do you call a mother who came to you under false advertising? Is there a name for those mothers? Do they belong to a special group? Is there someone who helps children with that? I want to write a letter to that person. I’m going to google his name tomorrow when I get up.  Mom: ..or her name. Crackle: Fine, I’m writing to both of them... while I'm eating my cereal... w...

Pop: Remember how we saw the tree lighting on TV  tomorrow ?  Mom: You mean last night? On TV? Pop: Oh yeah..  Mom: Yes, it was fun to see! Pop: It was.. so Mom, do they have a party to turn the lights off too?!  That would really be great!

Pop: Is Dad working late tonight? Mom: Yes, would you like to call him to say goodnight? Pop: Oh, yes! Mom: Ok, here’s the phone. It’s ringing. Pop: Hi Dad! I just wanted to say goodnight and I love you. Dad: I love you too. Pop: Do you want to talk to Crackle? I’ll get him! Crackle: Hi Dad! Pop: Wait.. tell him we watched Sister Act! I forgot to tell him. Crackle: Dad, we watched Sister Act. Pop: Oh, tell him what my favorite part was. Crackle: Her favorite part was the really funny Nun who was.. Pop: Tell him what the very scary part for me was. Crackle: Pop, I told you it’s just a story. It’s make believe. And really, who’s gonna shoot a nun?! Pop: Oh, tell him we had ice cream for desert! Crackle: Dad… we had ice cream for desert. Pop: Tell him to kiss me goodnight and I want to feel it. Sometimes I think he forgets because I don’t feel it. Crackle: Pop says… Pop: Just tell him about my Math test tomorrow an...

Crackle:  Do turtles brush their teeth? Mom:  I don’t know. Crackle:  I know the answer.. No!.. because they don’t have a toothbrush! Mom:  Of course :)

Crackle: Mom do you know what elbow grease is? Mom: Yes...  Crackle: Great, then could you buy some tomorrow? I want to move some furniture.

Crackle: You know what, Snap, if I die first I'm going to be a pain to you from Heaven. Snap: Just know, technically that would still be bullying, and you would be punished in Heaven. But worse, because God is right there.

Mom: YAY, it’s Summer!! Let’s take a picture! How badly does your stomach hurt? She vomited where? What color is your mucus? What color is that? Is it a little headache or a big headache? Yay, swim lessons! Let’s take a photo! He’s vomiting? Now? Right now? Did you get the bucket? You’re gonna what? SOMEBODY get me the bucket. You know what the word projectile means. Yay! Ice cream time! Let’s take a photo! Do both ears hurt? Is it a dull ache or a sharp pain? In both ears? How can it be different in each one? Whoever set this thermometer to celsius needs to fix this immediately! Crackle!!!!! Yes, you have my insurance. Isn’t CVS the same in every state? Look again. Just look again. Just look again. Give me the ear drops. Look again. Do you have a bucket? Yay! A magic show. Everyone smile, cheezzz. How badly does your shoulder hurt? On a scale of 1-10. But that’s not on the scale. Is it a sharp pain or a dull ache? Did you hit i...

The truest of sentences spoken in the deepest of Mom friendships. I’m so lucky to have you gals. ******************* I’m so sorry, let me call you back. I have to call you back. I’ll definitely call you back. I promise to call you back. Let me try to call you back. They’re home, I’ll call you back. I should be able to call you back. I don’t know when I can call you back. I’ll just call you back. Oh Dear God, I have to call you back! There’s blood, I need to call you back. You can hear them, uggg, I’ll call you back.. I’m just getting everyone in the car, let me call you back. Homicide or suicide, standby, I'm calling you back! No problem, call me back. Sure, just call me back. Whenever you want, call me back. It’s fine, just call me back. No worries, call me back. I’ll be here, call me back. When you can, call me back. Anytime, call me back. I’m on my cell, call me back. Go...

Snap: Pop! You just said a bad word! Pop: No I didn't, I just said 'hill.’ Snap: No! You said the 'H word!' Pop: No I didn't, I just said 'hill.’ Snap: Well... if we were British, you would be in BIG trouble right now!

Crackle: Mom, would you make that chocolate cake you made on Dad’s birthday, for your birthday?   Mom: Ok, sure, good idea. Crackle: Mom, can you help me? Mom: Yes, in a minute.. I’m making the cake. Pop: Oh, could you make vanilla? I don’t really like all that chocolate. Snap: Oh Mom!! Could you make strawberry shortcake?!!!! Peanut Gallery: YEAH YEAH… make that. Make that!! Make that!!!! Pop: But make the chocolate too.. if you want. Crackle: Could you get me some ribbon? Mom: Ok, in a minute, I have to focus on the cake right now. Pop: I need a fancy word that starts with the letter M. Mom: Miraculous?  Pop: No…  Mom: Marvelous? Pop: No… Mom: Magnificent? Pop: No ((sigh)) don’t you have any others? Snap: I need wrapping paper.. and I can’t find the stickers I had, and are we going to have more food? Mom: Snap, in a few minutes, I am in the middle of making the cake. Crackle: Don’t get excited. There’s blood. B...

Mom: For our summer activity, whenever you guys use a new vocabulary word in a sentence, you get 25 cents! Crackle: In the morning I approach my almond milk with zeal. It is scrumptious and delectable. However, today when you left it sitting out since breakfast, it became brackish and I couldn’t enjoy it with my usual glee.  Pop: And, you were aplomb at the stove today Mom, great job! Crackle: Yup, just leave our money on the table...

Crackle: OK, I have a couple of questions about sperms and eggs Mom:  Uh...OK... Crackle: So, are all the sperms and all the eggs the exact same? No, right?  Becuase then all the people would look the same. Mom: Well, yes, everyone is a little different. Remember we talked about DNA? Crackle: OK, but... then how do they find each other? Do they take a selfie and send it to the other one? Mom: Uh....well...hmmmm... Crackle: Never mind. They must use walkie-talkies. I bet that's how the sperm and egg find each other.

Pop: Who are your Aunt's sisters? Mom: What? Who are my aunt’s sisters?? WHO are MY AUNT’S sisters?? Wait a minute.. umm.. that’s.. ok, I haven’t even had my coffee.. Well, that’s Nanni.. Nanni would be my aunt’s sister. Why are you asking me that? Pop: Where is she from?  Mom: Where is she from? You mean.. like Manhattan originally? New York? 67th street?  Pop: Are they all from the same place? Mom: You mean her sisters? Nanni and her sisters are from the same place.. of course.. they’re sisters, right?  Snap: (graciously picks her head up out of her cereal bowl) Mom.. she means ancestors.. who are your ancestors and where are they from.

Pop: Do you snore? Mom: I don’t know. Pop: Does Santa Claus snore? Mom: I don’t know. Pop: I think the bigger the stomach the louder you snore.

Mom:  So, if anything happens to you, do you know where you would like to be buried? Dad: I don’t know… what do you want to do? Mom: Sigh…. Well, I’ll make it easy on you.. you can cremate me. Dad: Really? Where do you want your ashes to be spread? Mom: That’s easy, the Ore Bed.. and then split the rest up and give it to the kids. They can bring me wherever they go :) Dad: Then I guess I’ll be cremated too.  Can they put us together?  Wait a minute, maybe no... cause what if I want to go somewhere else. Are you going to be mad? Mom:  Go ahead, knock yourself out. Where are you going? Dad: Saskatchewan. Mom: Sounds exciting. Dad: Alright alright… maybe we could mix the two Urns and both go to both places. Mom: I’ll let you know. Dad: Well.. only if I go first. Because if you go first, and the next one will want to be with me also.. would you be OK with all of us being in one Urn? Mom: You, me and the new girl? A Ménage à trois ? Th...

Crackle: I keep sneezing today. Mom: I hope you’re not getting sick! Crackle: Maybe I’m allergic to something. Pop: Maybe Holland? Mom: I think you mean pollen and that comes in the Spring. It’s not Spring yet. Pop: Then I definitely mean Holland. Mom: I see...Gerard.. do you think you’re allergic to Holland?

Crackle: I want something but it’s not going to happen. Mom: You can hope. Crackle: No, I can’t. Mom: Sure you can! Crackle: It's too painful for me to hope. Mom: It’s painful for you to hope? Crackle: Yup, you bet it is. Mom: Why is it painful for you to hope? Crackle: Because when I hope, I cross my fingers and squeeze hard. That is very painful. I don’t like to do it unless I absolutely need to.

Crackle: Why do some bathrooms have the things that blow on your hands and some have the paper towels to dry your hands? Mom: Because every bathroom is different. Snap: Have you ever slept on a water bed? Mom: No, but I babysat for someone who had one. Snap: Wow, were there fish inside of it?!! Crackle: Mom… did it sound weird when I said the word “Mom?” Mom: No...  Crackle: Why does it sound weird when someone speaks while holding their nose? See.. let me do it again… Crackle: Mooommmm...  Mom: Yes! Snap:  What is God’s last name? Mom: I have no idea... I think it’s just God… like Madonna. Snap: Who? Crackle: Yeah, everyone knows who we’re talking about.. just say God, Snap. Pop: Who was the first person who knew how to peel a banana? Not the one who learned from her mom, I want to know the first person. Was it a boy or a girl? I think it was a girl. Mom: I really have no idea.. is anyone else tired?  Pop: What is tha...

Crackle: Mom, who gave you these talents? You can even make me feel bad when you fake cry!  Just tell me...how do you do this?

Crackle: all the kind words combined make one word and you’re that word. Sometimes I feel bad because you will never know how much I love you, Mom. I love you so much I can’t even put it into words. Sometimes I totally forget about holidays.. like tomorrow .. I thought tomorrow was a regular day... but it’s not... it’s St. Patricks Day. How did I miss that? 

Crackle: Mom, I love you so much. There are no words to tell you how much. God didn’t even invent a word to say how much love I have for you. To say I love you.. it’s just not enough.. Do you know what I mean Mom? Do you know how much love I’m talking about? Think about the highest number. That’s not even going to work. It’s so much more than that. There is not even a number that I can use to tell you how much I love you. Wait.. I know.. Mom.. I love you even  more than Nanni’s pancakes. THAT is how much I love you.  Now Mom.. before you say anything.. I love your pancakes, you do know that.. right? Not the ones that you make with that mix from Wegmans, the gluten free.. I really don’t like them.. but the other ones.. I do love those.. but..   Nanni’s pancakes.. well.. THAT tells you how much I love you. More than those..