Random Family Antics

Crackle: Mom… so.. it’s gonna be Dad’s birthday. Mom: Yes Crackle: So... can we buy him stuff? Mom: It’s in 2 days.  Crackle: I know. I know. Ok, let me think.   I know!  So... remember when I got birthday money when I turned 3? I got like $50. Let’s just give him that. Mom... are you listening to me?  So, when my show is over, can you bring me the wrapping paper and the tape and the scissors and the money?  Mom: From when you were 3?  Crackle: Yes.  And I like the blue wrapping paper. Or, you can just wrap it if you’re not busy. Whatever you want Mom. It’s up to you.  

Crackle: So Mom, I told my friends that we have a new Pastor at church. Mom: That’s great. Crackle: And, I told them he talks different and I think it sounds a little funny, and I don’t understand a lot of what he says and he was in prison. Mom: You what?! CRACKLE!  Did you explain he has an accent because he is originally from another country? Crackle: No. Mom: So, I’m guessing you also left out that he worked in the prison… AS a minister.. TO the people inside the prison. Crackle: Are you sure that’s correct because I think he just told us he was in prison. 

Pop: Mom... I want everyone to be kind to one another. I don’t want any more bad things to happen to people, especially to children. How can I bring peace into the world?  I can imagine it, but I don’t know how to do it.  Can you help me figure out how I could do it?  Mom: Ahh, yes… I understand those feelings and the idea you have. That is a very beautiful and noble idea. We'll explore it together - as a family.  You know, there is a man who wrote a song about this very thing.  Let’s listen to it.  Pop: Really?  So I’m not the only one?  Mom: No, you are not. Pop: Well, I really didn’t think I was the only one.  But... can I talk to him? Maybe we could work on this together? 

First Day of School Picture -  Take 56. Peanut Gallery: He’s touching me. She’s touching me. I don’t want him to touch me. I want to stand on the rock. I don’t want him to stand on the rock. I should stand on the rock. I want to be tall. You are tall. I want to be the tallest. No, I want to be the tallest. He touched my hair. It was an accident.  No it wasn’t. She pinched me. No I didn’t. Mom: Wait a minute... I believe you did.  I believe, in fact, I actually captured a photo mid-pinch.  Look, LOOK!!! Bussssssssssss!!!!!!!!

Mom:  These are fantastic!! This is the best birthday present EVER EVER EVER. I LOVE them ALL!  Thank you SO SO MUCH!!!  Snap: You’re welcome, Mom. We love you.  Crackle:  Pop.. wait a minute.  Did you plagiarize your love letter?  Pop:  What does that mean? Crackle: That means that you went online and copied a poem that you found. Pop: Ohhhh… Well, yes, but.. I wrote it myself! Snap’s Love Letter Crackle’s Love Letter Pop’s Love Letter Pop’s Love Letter

Crackle: Mom!! Mom!! Guess WHAT?!  I just figured out something that Dad can do better than you! Wait a minute… never mind.   Mom: Where are you going? Crackle: I'll be back. Pop: No you won't.

66 days until my first official day of vacation!!! I cannot wait!!! For the first time EVER (8 years, 5 months, and 16 days to be exact - but who’s counting?) I will have all three of my children in school FULL DAY!  I think I'm going to weep...  Will I once again complete thoughts at will? Eliminate my sleep deprivation and actually make sense to others?? … Is this really the end of ACT I?  The end of the 24/7 mindless spinning around their needs, their wants, food preparation.. their fighting.. more food preparation?  Is this it?  I will be taking my final bow in front of my children in 66 days.  I expect clapping and a couple 'Bravos!'.. then I will be walking off stage and into the white light nirvana of ACT II … beginning with a big fat cup of coffee, HOT ,  In  Complete  Silence

Mom: Here guys, come see.. Nanni sent us a picture of herself after her knee replacement.  Look at how great she looks!  And, she’s standing by herself in the photo! Pop: I’m confused. Mom: What do you mean? Pop: She said she had her knees replaced.  So, why do her legs look like her old legs? Why didn’t she want to replace them with a younger pair? Like.. 30 year old legs?

Snap: I like the dress the Princess wore for her wedding.   I think the girl who made it.. her name is Stella, like the girl from church. Mom: Yes, the designer’s name is Stella McCartney. Snap: Oh yeah, that’s her name! I read she has a famous Dad.   Is that true?  Do you know who they mean?  Mom, why are you looking at me like that?  Mom?  Mom!!! Mom: There will be an answer. Let it be. Let it be. Snap: Where's the answer?!  Crackle: She does this when she's tired. She doesn't know. 

Dear Superhero of our family,  You know how when I catch you staring at the kids with the ‘I can’t believe you're mine’ look...  💓 I mumble: “You’re welcome.”   😜 Today I’m going to say “Thank You :)” HAPPY FATHERS DAY                                              

Mom:  When is Flag Day? Tomorrow? The day after? Pop:  I have no idea. I don’t pay attention to any holidays without presents.

Mom: Go get your pad. Snap: You mean the iPad? Mom: No. I mean your pad, in your drawer. Snap: Oh, your iPad? Mom: WHAT?! I don’t even own an iPad?! Snap: Wait, I’m confused.  Should I google this? Mom: Are you kidding me?! Snap: I just don’t know what you want, Mom.  Is this one of those things from your childhood you think I already know about? Mom: It’s the thing after the tablets they used on Little House and before the iPad.  It has lines and you use a pencil with it.  Are we on the same page now? Snap: Ohhhhhhh! Now I get it!  Crackle: Hahaha. That is SO funny, Mom!  Are we on the same… page!  Pop: I still don’t know what she wants. But you can have mine if I own it.  Pssst, Crackle...do I own it? 

Crackle: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!! Mom: WHAT! WHAT IS IT! WHAT HAPPENED! Crackle: ...no change... wait... nothin...

Crackle: I think my knees are too big for my legs. Mom: No, they’re not. They’re perfect. Crackle: No, look again. I think you made a mistake when you put me together. Mom: No, there are no mistakes and they’re not too big. Your legs will grow. They match up eventually. Crackle: Mom, wouldn’t it have made more sense to make them grow at exactly the same time?!  Mom: Umm.. well, I think the growth-rate differential has to do with complicated biology and physics.  Crackle: You know what? I think you just made that up. And you want to know what else I think? I think sometimes you and God are really smart and then, other times, the two of you.. have no idea what you're doing.

Receptionist: Oh Hi! Weren’t you guys just here recently? Mom: ((sigh)) Yes. Receptionist: Do you still live at… Mom: Yes. Receptionist: Is your insurance all the.. Mom: Same. Receptionist: Is she still allergic to… Mom: Yes. Receptionist: Can I have your… Mom:  Insurance card and drivers license. Here. Mom: The x-ray machine is definitely working today, correct? Receptionist: Oh, yes. It’s an.. Mom: Old machine? Has good days and bad days.. like all of us? Receptionist: Yes! That’s exactly what I say. Mom: Is today a good day? Receptionist: Yes! It is! Mom: Great. Receptionist: Please remove any.. Mom: We did. Receptionist: Do you need a locker for.. Mom: Nope. Receptionist: Just wait here and the tech will be right with you. Mom: Is it Shirley today or Rita? Receptionist: Well, Shirley is still out till the middle of June. Mom: Yes, tell her we hope she’s enjoying her trip. Recept...

Morning Snap frantically wakes Mom to drive her to the 'early morning combined orchestra rehearsal' she forgot to mention. Mom shoves lunches into backpacks and flings everyone into the car.  Screeching up to the orchestra entrance, Mom notices the usual door monitor is not there. Mom sends Snap inside to verify rehearsal is still on. Snap returns to say combined rehearsal is not actually today - whoops - but some other day, and she has no idea when. Mom is confused, because Mom notices a line of cars forming behind her. Mom assumes it’s an email mix up and tells everyone on the car line that rehearsal is cancelled.  Snap, Crackle and Pop help by smiling, making eye contact with their friends, and waving them all away.  One man rolls down his window and thanks Mom profusely, while simultaneously yelling at his son for getting the date wrong.  Mom smiles at the father and says ‘glad I could save you a trip inside!’ We all watch as a numbe...